So I am down to the wire and I have 9 days until the baby is born. 9 days!!!! 9 days!!! Am I repeating???
I was on the fence up until about 3 days ago. My doctor suggested that I try a VBAC...um I entertained it and then I found myself questioning everything. Complications, uterine rupture, failure to progress, baby not fitting...you name it I had it in my mind.
Then I had a conversation with TC and we discussed it. If I went the VBAC route, there is a 40% chance I am going to need a c-section anyway. Trent was 10 pounds and would not fit, hence why I had the first c-section. Oh and the drugs did not work!!!
This baby's weight is unknown so the doc wants to get an ultrasound to see. Well, technology is great but they told me that Trent would be just about 8 pounds. WRONG!!!
Plus, if I try it the natural way.....I will be alone.....all alone. It is bad enough that TC will miss the birth. But to do it alone, just is too much of a downer. I am so grateful that my sister is going to be with me for the surgery. She will calm me down.
I read so much stuff about VBAC and it seems like 50/50. Some doctors are all for it and some no. The stats say that I would only have a 1% chance of complications....um did you ever hear of Murphy's Law? Well, I am Murphy!!!!!!
So with all that in mind. I am scheduled to have my baby on the 9Th of August at 11:30 am. Which I think the doctor is punishing me for not wanting a VBAC...11:30 am...no food or water!!! I will be a bear!!
Well, the 9th it is....unless if these backaches are telling me I will go earlier?!?!?!?!?!?!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
A higher power
Science or a Higher Power?
My dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma this past winter. His once massive structure has become that of a small, 74 year old man with "chicken skin" under his arms. His frame is so petite it is scary.
It was a stage 4 cancer, which I guess is a tough fight. However, he accepted the terms and entered the world of an oncology patient with grace. His chemotherapy has been a rough road but compared to some, a breeze. But seeing a loved one ill and weak is no easy sight.
I learned a lot about my parents and siblings through all of this. I see how a family of 6 can break up, get closer and be honest. I see that my father is not as strong mentally as I thought he was. I had him on a pedestal forever...well, my mother is the one that is a rock. Her physical strength at 70 is amazing. Her need to keep him clean, fed and healthy has been cool to see.
My parents just celebrated there 50Th wedding anniversary in May. 50 years!! I asked her in a joking way how can she love the same person for that long of a time....she said, it evolved into a different kind of love. A true unconditional love. Pure and at times complicated.
I hope my marriage will survive the ups and the downs like theirs does. I wonder if I have the patience that my mother has?? One shall see.
The strength my mother has given to my father makes me question the presence of a higher power? Why?
The latest test results indicated that the cancer is in remission. Wow, we thought, that was fast. I attribute it to the technology and the chemo recipes that have been administrated to my father. But my mother said, it is because they lead a clean life and have faith.
Now I question it....
My dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma this past winter. His once massive structure has become that of a small, 74 year old man with "chicken skin" under his arms. His frame is so petite it is scary.
It was a stage 4 cancer, which I guess is a tough fight. However, he accepted the terms and entered the world of an oncology patient with grace. His chemotherapy has been a rough road but compared to some, a breeze. But seeing a loved one ill and weak is no easy sight.
I learned a lot about my parents and siblings through all of this. I see how a family of 6 can break up, get closer and be honest. I see that my father is not as strong mentally as I thought he was. I had him on a pedestal forever...well, my mother is the one that is a rock. Her physical strength at 70 is amazing. Her need to keep him clean, fed and healthy has been cool to see.
My parents just celebrated there 50Th wedding anniversary in May. 50 years!! I asked her in a joking way how can she love the same person for that long of a time....she said, it evolved into a different kind of love. A true unconditional love. Pure and at times complicated.
I hope my marriage will survive the ups and the downs like theirs does. I wonder if I have the patience that my mother has?? One shall see.
The strength my mother has given to my father makes me question the presence of a higher power? Why?
The latest test results indicated that the cancer is in remission. Wow, we thought, that was fast. I attribute it to the technology and the chemo recipes that have been administrated to my father. But my mother said, it is because they lead a clean life and have faith.
Now I question it....
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