Iraq+Husband+War=Aniexty

I am fine...I will be fine. Those are my blanket answers that I feed most strangers when they ask about TC leaving for Iraq. What am I going to say? Oh sit down, grab your tea and while your up, a box of tissues too!! Nah! Not my style. I have been through too much over the last 4 years to let it get to me now.
I have anger...tons of it.
-History of Lisa 101-
Year 2003: Pregnant for the first time with my son, my husband has this yearning to re-join the reserves, the Army Reserves. I cry, I scream, I throw lots of things in hopes that will penetrate his thick head and not join. I was 6 months pregnant when he re-joined. I wanted to leave him for the pain he caused me. I wanted to show him what it is like to feel when someone you love is going to leave for a long period of time. But I was pregnant and I love him. Is love enough to keep it together? OK fast forward to September of 2003. My amazing son is born...3 weeks later, as my c-section incision re-opens, my husband leaves for 3 weeks to Missouri. OK my baby is 3 weeks, he leaves me with 2 dogs, which are his and a house to take care of...oh yes, my incision is healing, painfully. But again, I love him. OK fast forward again. My son is 5 months old, he is gone again for 3 weeks to Missouri again. This time, he informs me that he will be leaving for Iraq in 6 months. Trent turns one in September and then 3 weeks later, off to Iraq. What is it with the magical 3 weeks?!?!?!
One year in Iraq makes for a different person. He came home...different...so different he was not sure he did not want to be married anymore. What a bastard I thought! You leave, I hold down the fort, get us out of debt, re-do the house, raise our son and you come home and tell me this! GO GET THERAPY! No, not in his plan. So there I go off to find a therapist to help me with my new found anxiety! Did you know that if you don't breath correctly you can get dizzy??? Or that nerves can make a person loose 30 pounds! Ha! You think it is not true! I was so thin that people were afraid to ask me how I did it. With my faith, strength and courage. We got through it. I have to say, I was the glue and did not give up. I knew that his mind was not in the place where it should be. OK fast forward---January 2007, Pregnant again, have a son who is the funniest person I know and a stable husband. He tells me again, I will be leaving for Iraq again, you know. This time it will be different. He most likely will miss the birth of this child, and the first year of his/her life, not to mention that he will miss Trent's t-ball games and first day of Kindergarten. Well, hello Anxiety, your back. Not nice to see you again!!!
Although....I must say. I am stronger, tougher and my anger will not be a force to be reckon with! I pray for his safety. I pray that he comes home in one piece and stable but if he comes home "different again" I am not sure I will be so forgiving this time!