In mid- October of 2006 I miscarried at 12 1/2 weeks. I was seen at 7 weeks and everything was great. Back to the doctor for a follow up and that is when I was told that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and I had no idea. Some people don't talk about and some like to ignore it like it never happened. I am the opposite. I talk about it. I had to have a D&C which to be honest was not a big deal. I was not emotional about the entire thing. Even when they told me, I was like...Oh ok.
My reaction must have come to a shock to most but as I tried to explain it to someone...I never had the attachment. From the beginning, something did not feel right. I knew something was to go wrong, I never had a vision of my future child, nothing. My husband was more upset than me. A friend of mine asked me why I am not crying and I explained to her that "these things happen".
Is it a myth that woman have a "woman's intuition?" A gut instinct? Hmmm, I question that often. My answer is, I have it. I go with my first instinct...I can sense things...call me a weirdo...that is ok, my family says it!
But I guess fears of another loss are in fact real. This is not public knowledge...well I guess now it is.... I am expecting again. I am 10 weeks and no one really knows. I told my sister in law...who I trust as a great friend too. But my mother does not even know. I am afraid to tell people. I fear that if I tell people that I will in fact loose this baby. The baby that I have seen in my dreams....this baby has a full head of hair, just like Trent and big pink cheeks. And will be a bit bigger than my tank, Trent was. He was almost 10 pounds.
Why this fear? Why am I dreaming of a loss even before I have even seen the doctor? I am sure my reaction is normal, right? My first appointment is coming up and I will tell my mother then..I am afraid of her reaction. 35 years old and I am afraid my mother is going to be mad because I get pregnant again. :-) This baby was planned and very much wanted.
I guess once I get passed the "danger time" I will be a bit more relaxed.
I have to question if anyone else has had this happen to them before?
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3 comments:
i'll say congratulations when you feel a little more relaxed...
i dunno it its "normal"- my baby is going on 16 years old! i'll be praying for you!
Congrats Lisa! I already knew but I didn't want to say anything until you did.
You let it slip at Christmas but I kept quiet because I didn't know who knew.
I am so happy for you guys and I feel very confident about this baby. I know you're scared to tell your mom but she loves you and it will be fine.
Plus,Trent will be an awesome big brother!!
Call me for babysitting!
First off let me say congratulations!
And I'm sorry for your earlier loss. I can understand your way of thinking about the miscarriage and your real fear this time around. I think it's all normal.
I had dreams when I was pregnant with my daughter (towards the latter part of my pregnancy) and I saw her as a happy healthy baby girl and that's exactly what I got.
Congratulations again and keep us up to date.
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